A few weeks ago I had a patient experience that left me nearly in tears, and I shared this story on Instagram, wondering how many of you out there felt something similar. I was so blown away by your responses. Turns out, many of us get similar questions about our age, our experience, our credentials, and all around, our ability to be a good doctor, way more often than we want. I wanted to share some of the responses you all gave in how you cope with the questions and how you show that #iamyourdoctor.

My Original IG Post:

Can I share something with you guys? I’ve been made acutely aware of how I look recently at work, and not in a good way. I’ve posted about this before in IG stories but I wanted to write a post because it has really been getting to me. I’ve gotten a lot of comments about how young I look ever since I was in medical school. Intern year a patient’s family laughed when I said I was the doctor and the patient’s son said he thought I was a high school volunteer. I brushed off all these comments in training because I always had an attending to rely on, someone more senior to back me up.

Well now I’m the attending. There’s no one else more senior than me coming into the patients’ rooms. And I’m finding myself having to constantly justify why I’m qualified to be there. Many patients have asked me directly how old I am, whether this was my first time doing a procedure, and how long I’ve been in practice. I’ve had patients say, ‘Well I would never think you’d be my doctor!” I’ve even had someone prefer to see a non-MD over seeing me, because I “look too young and inexperienced.” I’d be lying if I said these comments don’t hurt. I’ve been in school for decades, and I’ve devoted most of my life to becoming a physician. To have my credentials questioned constantly has been slowly gnawing at my self confidence. I’ve been thinking about what to do; is it how I dress, how I speak, how I do my makeup? What can I change about myself to justify why I am a doctor?

At the end of the day though, what I’ve realized is I’ve already done EVERYTHING in my power to be a good physician. I care deeply about my patients but I don’t need to change my appearance and who I am to keep caring for my patients. Doctors come in all colors, sizes, and ages, and I hope that by being a good dermatologist, I can help change some of the stereotypes my patients form when I walk into the room. Because #iamyourdoctor

What I learned from YOU

• Keep a calm and professional manner
• Moderate your tone of voice:
  • From @lafemmd: I also think that confident body language, avoiding “upspeak”, and speaking decisively are important skills as well
• Take charge of your introduction
  • From @annelise.hamilton: I’m 35. I get mistake for 18. I’ve had the same problem most of my life. I learned, drop your voice on introduction and say it with a don’t f*ck with me attitude. It gets and holds attention. It was actually a drunk patient I had to deal with as a paramedic who told me this, that they would take me more seriously that way. You can go back to your normal cheerful self after you state your name and position and have all eyes on you.
  • Something I read online and sadly I can’t find the original poster! (If you read this and you’re the one who posted this, PLEASE DM me so I can give you credit!): I introduce myself as doctor 2 times in my introduction so it sticks more. “Hello, my name is Dr. X and I will be your doctor today.”
• Wear your white coat at all times
  • From @petiteish: I always wear a white coat and introduce myself by my last name as a Dr. I think dressing conservatively and in a polished way helps (suit or sheath dress, heels)
• Get a “DOCTOR” badge (or whichever your profession is!)
  • From @jennifermagnant: At the hospital that I work at we have tags behind our badge that hang a little longer and say “Doctor” “RN” Therapist. Aide.
• Have your staff, residents, medical students, etc. support you as an attending
  • From @petiteish: It is also good if your ancillary staff can come to your defense. Dr. Reshma Jagsi mentioned that she’s had pts ask her (male white) med residents what they thought, as if were the attending, and the best come back is when the resident says I would do what Dr. Jagsi says as she is the world expert on the subject.
• Go along with the comment and make a joke of it
  • From @dermdoclibby: I’ve gotten the high school comment several times and I just responded, “yes how did you know?? I am in high school and this is my after school activity.”
  • From @drsarmelasunder: you can always do what I do when patients say I look too young to be a surgeon and ask me how old I am. I say “I’m 68, but I performed my own facelift on myself a few years ago…aren’t I good?!? Doesn’t it look so natural?!!”
• Take it as a compliment
  • From @therealdrjonathan: “Try this: the next time that someone says you look young to be a doctor, say: “What thank you, I’ll take that as quite a compliment!” That’s what I used to do and it worked well.”
  • From @theflyingdoc: try to take these comments as a compliment. I got the same stuff when I was a new attending as well. I always overplayed the comments. “Wow! Thank you so much. I was feeling really old and you just made my day”. Now I must look seasoned because patients just don’t tell me those things anymore 😥 cherish it while it lasts!
  • From @jennifermagnant: I always say “well thank you!!! I’m a little older than you think.” Or “thanks for the compliment. I have good genes!”
• Put yourself in the patients’ shoes
  • From @nabeelapatail: I always smile and try to understand that my patients are coming from a place of fear or feeling unwell and if I make them feel comfortable my age/appearance is soon forgotten
  • From @cthewongs:  I also work on not judging them back. As their doctor, we already hold the high seat in the power dynamic, so for some patients, this is their way (consciously or not) to balance it back.
• Be confident in yourself and your abilities as a doctor – many attendings who have been in practice several years gave this pearl. They have the experience to back it up, and they no longer let these sorts of comments bother them.
  • @dallassderm: This used to happen to me too…and then 10 years goes by and you’ll spend your time TRYING to look younger💕😜 I take it as a complement now when people say I don’t look my age. Just be confident in yourself and all your training and your patients will learn to trust you…I promise😘
• Some great all around responses:
  • From @iamskinobsessed: When they say you’re the doctor? I tell them the one and only. If they ask how old I am, I say old enough to be your doctor. If they say I look too young, I say because I take care of myself or thank them and say I worked hard on looking young. If they comment how small I am, I just say it is because I am weighed down by brain. Regardless, the way to prove we are good doctors is to do our job well. Don’t be disheartened
  • From @drmary_urologist: I say I either say I’m a tennager or I’m in my 50s it helps diffuse the awkwardness and they usually laugh.
  • From @texaswillow: “oh, you should see my mother…she looks way younger than me.” Or, “I graduated high school early, then college, then post graduate….guess you could say I’m a child prodigy”.
  • From @fillersandfun: I have started making a joke with it and saying ‘ oh I guess all of my Botox And fillers in my face is a good investment then. Thanks, you made my day.’
  • From @dermguru: The best I can do is smile, laugh, and use it as a teaching moment by saying “it’s because of all of the sunscreen I use everyday, as you should be doing too ”

I’ve learned a lot from all of your responses and stories, so THANK YOU for sharing them! Leave any other comments below!